Slowly becoming ...

I am slowing becoming a virtual persona on the net.

Its fact that the workload of this new job is slowly engulfing me into something else.
creating me into someone else.
I am not happy. but admist the misery, I found something else inside me. A rage that flares quite often. A side of me, sub-consciously revoked into sanity and consciousness.

A person, whom lived and breathe the same air as I am, whom I called, severely-marked-and-cursed-and-swearing-individual (aka SMCSI).

For it is true that I have found out, unfortunately, the package of this extra one thousand more than my last salary, that I have to evolve into someone whom the gentleness and sensitivity used to posses this man. Into a swearing cursing bastard whom all the blangalahs hated everyday. I even swore in my dreams, on my bed.

I no longer had the smile I used to have when I see ppl. or the contentious sigh I heaved when I faced difficulties. I CURSED! I SWEAR! I SCOLD CCB! KNN! LJ! DUN ALI BABA WITH ME ON THE EXTRA OT YOU CLAIMED TO DO! KNNBCCB! that kinda thing.

-sighz-

Eric had this expectation that i must surpassed Kenn. and Kenn had this expectation that I must do everything he off-loaded to me. Foreman thinks I must noe more than him and the workers think I must do better than they does.
Adwin keep giving me mundane and useless tasks which other admin staffs can easily handle and I think I am more of an admin staff than an engineer!

Where is the greenery and respect I once had in PSM? where is the happy faces and ppl whom I worked with, thinks, hey he can work! Where is my dignity?

Sometimes I think I gave ppl too much respect and receives none from them. I felt used, casted aside when not needed and when needed, the threats came in w/o me asking for it. I had quite a gd relation with the transport dept, but in my own dept, I felt like an overworked horse and my ass is high up in the air, ready for whipping when I stumbled across some pissed-off individual!

JUst this week, Adwin and Eric left for KL to attend a conference. but of coz everyone knows which one is the gambler, he merely used this opportunity to MIA from office. Leaving Kenn in charge which everyones knew, he is the outgoing guy and leaving one unfortunate guy 'actually in charge' when he was pushed with all the tasks, including signing reports and wiping workers asses.

Just before Eric left, he left me a daunting task.
'give me a list of potential customers residing in Jurong Island so we can contact them for our product launch'

For ppl whom had no idea of Jurong Island, Here's a brief summary.
A plot of land, jealously guarded by our gahmen. Military patrol happens everyday. 3 heavyily guarded gantries before you could step inside the island.

Home to a lot of medical, bio-medical, fuel and refineries. Entry is secured by Jurong Town Council and no one can enters without specific invitations from the companies there. Customers need to register with the JTC online system 3 days before stepping inside.

IN other words, its like GOD's EDEN GARDEN. You heard abt it, but you cant step inside it. (unless you're the chosen one)

So for starters (like me) First question is: ' How do you even know what companies is inside jurong island when you have no idea what's inside it?"

So I write to Jurong Town Council. (thinking it'll be a breeze and a list would come thr by fax or email)

and I got a response;

Dear Mr east,
I am sorry we cannot provide you the list of business directories in Jurong Island due to SECURITY reason. thank you

From JTC

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Before you say WTF, I expected it to happen.

Jurong Island is like our GDP to the gahmen salaries. Dun want anything to happen to them or our economies gonna suffer. One bomb is enough manz.

So Eric gave me one week to come up with the list. you guys would think I would be able to sit in my chair in my office searching through yellow pages and getting the whole data within a week.

RIGHT? theoritically speaking, yes it is suppose to be my plan. But Kenn had other plans. which involves a lot of 'if eric comes back and you nvr do it items'

So I spend the next 4 days busied myself with signing reports, going to faraway places (like Loyang) and taking care of deliveries, taking care of worker's jobs and getting quotes and stuff like that. which takes me everyday beyond 8pm, which eric played merryily in Genting, and Kenn slept soundly every nite.

So back to Jurong Island, getting the list is like asking me to know the names of the security guards protecting the president in Istana everyday. Difficulty is 5 stars upon five.

Nevertheless I managed to get a few dozen names residing in Jurong Island. ON THURSDAY NITE ITSELF. Eric coming back on Friday and I am supposed ot help my foreman do some site work (courtesy of arrow from Kenn, who thinks I have nothing else to do) at around 5pm that day. With constant ringing of phone asking me where I am, when I shld be there helping him. I finally get the list on 7pm. To see a very tired foreman whom had started the job 2 hrs in advance. (and of coz, Kenn is probably ironing his pyjamas ready for bed)

I finally surrended and applied for MC on Friday. (to stalled the submission of "EDEN's LIST" and here I am, writing blog. Only able to write blogs when I am on MC.

The list is still in the office. I was thinking of getting Connie to pass the list to me today w/o me going up there. Eric probably's gonna burn some midnite oil to catch up on his work, so I wouldnt bet my horses that he would leave at 5pm sharp. I am in a dilemma. playing psychological warfare everyday. and ONE OF MY FRIEND HAD TO SAY< EAST IS SUCH A FAKE!!!

So ppl, I have to say one thing again. He is not being himself, because
1) This world is shrewd
2) We have a shrewd gahmen
3) We have to eat and survive and in Darwin's theory, only the fittest survives
4) We have to adapt to our surroundings nvrtheless. (I am not the kind for ppl to adapt to me, because that would be too individualistic)

only by being a chamelon, one is able to survive. Only by fitting to the times and surroundings, one is able to lived comfortably, but of coz, paid off with sacrifices, and probably a demented mind.

So that's the end of my work. Lets proceed with toys.

I just bought myself a Nokia N95 8gb! WHOOPEE! (I traded off my O2 for that) and IT IS TOTALLY COOL! 8gb of memory, I downloaded abt 400songs in it and the sound system is so good! and the GPS system, no horse run manz.

I loaded the maps, and tried to nagivate it while driving. Voice navigation ROCKS! (female voice too lol) I'll nvr be lost again! of coz there are some flaws like, updating is not that complete. I was travelling along brickland road (the road was built less than 1 yr, and the navigator showns "you're not on a road'.-_-"

Games! They used the nokia N-guages games. OMG! better than stupid Sony Ericsson games. What can I say? The phone is nice, slider is cool and I am a satisfied customer!

and to end my last entry of the day,
I am sorry to my friends whom I had great regards for. that somehow over the times, I gave a lot of 'I am coming' responses but ended up giving the plane. I wasnt like that in the past.

My weekends is practically dead. and my weekdays if I am lucky, I could squeeze out 2-3hrs after work, provided I dont have night jobs. (I even had nite jobs on weekends as well)

so I have this little book in my desktop at my workplace, I owned so-n-so treats for not coming to their functions, I hoped to be able to get them 'redeemed' in atonements for my 'busy schedule' . that I am truly sorry, that despite what I am slowly becoming, remember for what I once was. For if you see me hard enough, you will understand, and stand by me.

Thank you